Arleth Perez, LMHC
We've all been there. The minutes before a presentation, the heart wrenching seconds before a high-stakes social interaction- the storm before the hurricane. Although these are common occurrences that everyone experiences, they can pose a problem if they become persistent and begin to interfere with your daily life. This is what we counselors diagnose as Anxiety Disorders. Their are various types: Generalized Anxiety, Social Anxiety, Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia etc. According to the National Alliance of Mental Illness, they all have one thing in common "persistent and excessive worry in situations that are not threatening."
Clients tell me all the time "I know it's not the end of the world but I cannot stop worrying!" This is learned helplessness and it is exactly what it sounds like, an absence of motivation towards change due to a loss of hope. Learned helplessness keeps people from taking action and control over the worries that plague their life. In this article, I will teach you coping skills that have been life changing for my clients and that can help you take control of whichever worry is filling your mind and your body.
Grounding Skills
When we worry, the frontal part of our brain loses the ability to use executive functioning. Executive functioning helps with decision-making, focus, and concentration. When we worry, our brain becomes flooded with stress hormones. This is why it feels almost impossible to focus when we are stressed/worried. Clients often describe feeling like they cannot get a grip or like they're floating. Grounding skills can help reduce the stress hormones in our system and return them back to base levels, helping you to focus on the present moment. Here are a few:
The 5-4-3-2-1 Method: Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell & lastly, 1 thing you can taste. This technique can help you to slow down and become immersed in the present moment. Helping to distract you from the noise in your mind.
Visualization: Picture your calm place. The most serene place you have ever been a witness to. Close your eyes and begin to detail everything you see, feel, hear, smell and taste (seeing a pattern?). This technique helps to ground you using your senses and is paired with your most calming sensory memory.
Mental Exercises: Describe to yourself, step by step, how to perform a task to completion. For example, how to make scrambled eggs, how to tie your shoe, how to create that perfect winged liner, whatever comes to mind- just focus. This process helps to shift your mind from worry to employing simple, manageable, solutions.
Vagus Nerve Exercises
Did you know you have a large nerve running from the base of your brain all the way down into legs and it is responsible for your parasympathetic functions? Yes my friends, she is called the Vagus Nerve! Your heart rate, digestive functions, breathing rate etc. are all controlled by your vagus nerve. Anxious people experience issues with their parasympathetic functions. For example, when we're anxious we can feel nauseous, out of breath, and like our hearts are gonna pop out of our chest. Your vagus nerve is responsible for this. The good news is that the vagus nerve connects your brain to your body. Therefore, just as much as it can relay chemical messages of stress and worry from your brain to your body, it can also relay messages of relaxation if stimulated. Here are a few ways to stimulate the vagus nerve:
Cold Exposure- Taking cold showers or immersing your face in cold or ice water will stimulate you vagus nerve. One other way is to step outside during cold temperatures.
Deep Diaphragmatic Breathing: Breathing can stimulate the nerve. Use the 4-4-6 method- inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 4 seconds & exhale for 6 seconds.
Meditation: Take 5 minutes before the start of your day to meditate. If you are not a fan of remaining still do a walking mediation!
Loud gargling of water, singing, chanting, laughter: The vibrations created by these help to stimulate the vagal nerve.
Problem Solving Techniques
Sometimes worry is valid and necessary. It doesn't always affect our daily lives persistently. Maybe you have to plan your upcoming vacation itinerary or schedule those medical check-ups that you've been avoiding for months. In these cases, your anxiety is useful. How can you determine this? Well, if your worries move you towards action and are solvable, most likely, your worry is useful. For example "I am worried that I have not gotten a check up in a year. I can resolve this by calling my doctor's office after work today. I just need to schedule and find a time." Oppositely, if your worries include "What if" statements or if they don't have a solution eg: "What if they make fun of me when I present?," "I will fail," "Things don't work out for me" they are not useful. Meaning, they exacerbate and maintain your anxiety. They do not challenge you towards action or change. They keep you from exposing yourself to the challenge, this is called avoidance. Avoidance is the mechanism by which anxiety is maintained! Here are ways to manage anxious thoughts:
Schedule worry-time- This technique involves delaying your worry response to a later time. Commit to a daily time when you will do nothing but allow your worries to roam. During this time you will manage these worries. You will determine if they are helpful or unhelpful. If they are helpful you can find solutions for them. If they are unhelpful I challenge you to sit with the discomfort of uncertainty. It will not last forever. Most likely, your worries will not hold as much weight once you delay them and you will realize that they are not as important as you thought they were.
Socratic Questioning: SQ helps you to explore and challenge your anxious thoughts/ beliefs. Let's use our previous worry as example "What if they make fun of me when I present?" You could challenge these thoughts by using the following Socratic Questions: Is this a helpful thought to have?, Is there another way of seeing the situation?, Is this really as important as it seems? What would your friend say about this situation? SQ helps to explore and challenge the assumptions in your worries. It can help take control of anxious thoughts by shifting and expanding your perspective.
" Resilience protects you from suffering depression and anxiety." - Mayo Clinic
Accepting Uncertainty
Some situations have no solutions and create a sense of painful uncertainty. This feeling is not pleasant but it is part of life and the human experience. You are not inadequate or broken and you are most certainly not alone. Learning to weather these storms in life is important to resilience. Of course, no one should have to be strong or resilient and you are allowed to not be okay. However, resilience helps us through these storms. Mayo Clinic suggests that resilience protects you from suffering depression and anxiety. Part of resilience is allowing yourself to feel and regulate your feelings. Here are some tips:
Label your feeling: Labeling how you feel gives you power. When you know how you feel you can take steps towards self-soothing or problem solving. We can be limited here depending on our upbringing or environment. Luckily, there are tools such as using the feelings wheel. It can help you to accurately label your emotions and give you a a good starting point.
Acceptance: Accept your thoughts and feelings as they come and without judgement or applying meaning to them. You are allowed to feel how you feel. We perpetuate suffering when we place meaning on anxious thoughts eg: "If they make fun of my presentation, this must mean I am not capable." This is not a factual thought and it exacerbates anxiety. Instead let the anxiety be. Feel it. It will not last forever. You can do this.
Coping with anxiety is one of the hardest parts of your journey to wellness but it is possible. If you are having difficulty managing worry because it is persistent and affecting you relationships, work, or quality of life, seek professional support. We are here to help.
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